How to Ask for a Raise When You Are 25% Below Market and Afraid to Sound Greedy
You have spent three weeks building the spreadsheet. Levels.fyi. Glassdoor. Blind posts from people at your level. The number is not ambiguous: $170K to $195K for your experience, your stack, your city. You are at $145K. You have been at this company for three years. Your last two performance reviews used words like "exceeds expectations" and "critical to team velocity." Two colleagues in other departments just got promoted. A recruiter from a FAANG company is sitting in your inbox with a $195K role and an initial screen invite. James, your manager, is a good person. He has fought for you before. You know he will hear you out. You also know that the moment you say a number out loud, something shifts — the conversation becomes a negotiation, and you have never been taught how to do this without sounding like you are threatening to leave. Because you are not threatening to leave. You just want to be paid fairly. But every sentence you have rehearsed either sounds too aggressive or too apologetic. The number is right. The evidence is right. The delivery is the part that changes everything.
Why This Conversation Goes Wrong
You start with an apology. "I know budgets are tight and this is probably bad timing, but..." This opening telegraphs that you do not believe you deserve what you are asking for. James hears the hesitation before the number and anchors to your uncertainty, not your data.
You lead with the competing offer as a threat. "I have an offer from Google for $195K" delivered as an opening move turns a compensation conversation into a hostage negotiation. James just told you he responds poorly to ultimatums. Even if he matches, resentment lingers. You won the battle and damaged the relationship.
You accept the first counter without negotiating. James offers $160K and you say "that works." Relief floods in — the hard part is over. Except you just left $5K-$10K in approved budget on the table because the discomfort of asking for more felt worse than the cost of leaving money behind. This is the most expensive silence most people will ever experience.
You only negotiate base salary. Base salary is the most constrained budget line. Equity refreshes, signing bonuses, title adjustments, professional development budgets, and flexible work arrangements are all levers James may have more room to move on. Fixating on base salary is negotiating with one hand tied behind your back.
The Earned Anchor
Salary conversations fail when they feel like demands or complaints. The Earned Anchor approach builds your ask on a foundation of demonstrated value, market reality, and collaborative problem-solving — so the number lands as an obvious conclusion rather than an aggressive opening.
Start with alignment, not the ask
"James, I want to talk about compensation, and I want to start by saying I am committed to this team." This sentence does two things: it signals that this is not a resignation conversation, and it gives James permission to relax enough to actually listen. Anxious managers stop hearing after "I want to talk about pay."
Present the evidence as a story, not a spreadsheet
Do not dump data. Walk through the arc: "When I joined, I was a mid-level engineer taking on senior scope within six months. My last two reviews cite my work on the migration project and mentoring the junior hires. The market for this role and experience level is $170K to $195K. I am at $145K." The narrative makes the gap feel self-evident, not accusatory.
Name your number with zero hedging
"I am looking for $175K." Full stop. No "if possible." No "I was thinking maybe." No "does that seem reasonable?" The number must land cleanly in the room. Hedging invites James to negotiate against your own uncertainty rather than against the market data. You can be collaborative in tone and precise in the ask simultaneously.
Widen the canvas beyond base
After stating the base ask, open the conversation to total compensation. "I know budget constraints are real. I am also interested in discussing equity, a development budget, or flexible arrangements that reflect the value exchange here." This signals sophistication and gives James room to maneuver where his approval authority is broader.
Secure a commitment, not a feeling
Do not leave with "I will see what I can do." Leave with: "So the plan is $165K effective next pay period, with the equity refresh submitted to the VP by Friday, and a follow-up in six weeks on the additional $5K. Is that right?" Specificity converts goodwill into action.
The moment that changes everything
James already went to bat for you. He is waiting for your number.
Here is what most employees do not realize: good managers anticipate compensation conversations. James saw the same market data you saw. He watched the two promotions in other departments and knew someone on his team would ask. He went to his VP last week and pre-approved a raise to $165K with a $10K equity refresh. He has the budget. What he does not have is your number. If you ask for $160K, he will give you $155K and save the rest as a buffer. If you ask for $175K, he will counter at $165K and push the VP for the delta. Your opening number is not greedy — it is the signal that determines where the conversation lands. James is not your adversary in this room. The budget approval chain above him is the constraint. Your job is to give James the ammunition he needs to fight for you at the next level. A well-justified ask at $175K is easier for him to escalate than a vague "I feel like I should be earning more."
What to Say (and What Not To)
Instead of
"I know this is a lot to ask, but..."
Try this
"I want to talk about compensation. I am committed to this team and I want to make sure the compensation reflects the value I am delivering."
Instead of
"I have another offer, so..."
Try this
"I am getting interest from other companies, which is part of what prompted me to make sure things are right here — because this is where I want to be."
Instead of
"Whatever you think is fair."
Try this
"Based on market data and my track record here, I am looking for $175K. I am also open to discussing the total package."
Instead of
"Okay, that works" (to the first counter).
Try this
"I appreciate you moving on base. Can we also look at the equity refresh and a timeline for getting to $170K?"
The Bigger Picture
PayScale research across 160,000 employees shows that 57% of people who have never negotiated salary cite discomfort as the reason — not lack of data. The average lifetime cost of not negotiating a single salary increase is estimated at $500,000 to $1M in lost cumulative earnings, retirement contributions, and equity compounding.
A Carnegie Mellon study found that employees who negotiate are perceived as more competent by their managers, not less likable — provided they frame the ask in terms of value delivered rather than personal need. The fear of seeming greedy is statistically unfounded when the conversation leads with contribution.
LinkedIn Workforce data shows that internal raises average 3-5% annually while job-switching salary increases average 10-20%. Companies systematically underpay loyalty. A well-executed compensation conversation is not about greed — it is about correcting a structural market inefficiency.
Practice This Conversation
8 minutes · AI voice roleplay with James Park
Reading about this is step one. Practicing it changes everything. Sonitura lets you rehearse this exact conversation with James Park, a realistic AI senior engineering manager at a series c startup with 300 employees who reacts to your words in real time. It takes 8 minutes. When you sit across from James for real, the number will come out clean because you have already said it out loud.
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