How to Give a Performance Review to Someone Who Thinks They're Doing Great
Jordan walks in grinning. "I feel pretty good about this quarter," he says, settling into the chair like someone expecting applause. You have a spreadsheet open on your laptop with four missed deadlines highlighted in red. Two campaigns that launched with errors his teammates quietly fixed at 11pm. A pattern of declining output that his colleagues have been absorbing for six months without saying a word. Jordan is not a bad employee. He is a likeable, well-intentioned person who genuinely believes being busy is the same as being effective. The hardest feedback to deliver isn't to people who know they're struggling. It's to people who have no idea.
Why This Conversation Goes Wrong
You let the compliment sandwich smother the message. Positive-negative-positive works in theory. In practice, Jordan hears the first compliment, zones out through the critical feedback, and leaves remembering only the closing praise. He walks out thinking this was a great review.
You speak in feelings instead of evidence. "I feel like the quality has slipped" gives Jordan room to disagree with your feeling. "The March campaign launched with the wrong pricing table and required four hours of rework" gives him a fact to sit with.
You accept the first excuse and move on. "I've been really swamped" is Jordan's default deflection. If you nod sympathetically and pivot to next steps, you've just validated the idea that workload — not work habits — is the problem. The pattern continues.
You create a plan without buy-in. Handing Jordan a performance improvement plan he didn't help write is something that happens to him, not something he owns. Compliance is not the same as commitment.
The Mirror Method
The central challenge in reviewing an underperformer with low self-awareness is not delivering criticism. It is closing the gap between how they see themselves and what the data shows — without making them defensive enough to stop listening. The Mirror Method works by positioning you as a fellow observer of the data, not as a judge handing down a verdict.
Ask them to self-assess first
"Before I share my notes, I'd like to hear your take. How do you think this quarter went?" This is not a trap. It is the most important diagnostic question in the conversation. The size of the gap between their answer and reality tells you exactly how carefully you need to proceed.
Present the data without adjectives
"I want to walk through some specifics. Of the last six deadlines, four were missed — here are the dates. The March and May campaigns both required rework from the team." No "unfortunately." No "I'm disappointed." Just the facts, delivered calmly. Let the data do the talking.
Name the pattern, not the person
"When I look at this together, I see a pattern of missed deadlines and quality issues that wasn't there a year ago. I'm not questioning your effort — I can see you're busy. I'm questioning whether the current way you're working is sustainable." This separates the behavior from the identity.
Ask what they see
"Looking at this same data, what do you think is going on?" Give them space to process. Jordan may deflect at first — let him. If you pressed accurately in steps two and three, he will circle back. This is where hidden issues surface: the side project, the boredom, the feeling of being underutilized.
Co-create the improvement plan
"Let's build a 30-day plan together — what do you think the right milestones look like?" The plan should have no more than three measurable goals, a weekly check-in, and a clear consequence: "If we hit these targets, we're back on track. If not, we need a different conversation."
The moment that changes everything
He's not lazy. He's bored.
Jordan's decline started six months ago — right around the time his work stopped challenging him. He was a strong performer in year one because the role was new and every campaign felt like a proving ground. Now the work feels repetitive, so he's sleepwalking through it while pouring his real energy into a freelance side project he hasn't told you about. The missed deadlines aren't carelessness. They're the symptoms of someone who has mentally checked out of work that no longer engages him. If you treat this as a discipline problem, you'll get temporary compliance and eventual resignation. If you ask "What kind of work would actually challenge you right now?" you might discover that the fix isn't a performance plan — it's a project reassignment. The underperformer who wants more responsibility is a radically different problem than the one who wants less accountability.
What to Say (and What Not To)
Instead of
"I feel like your performance has been slipping lately."
Try this
"Four of your last six deadlines were missed. Let me walk you through the specific dates."
Instead of
"You need to do better."
Try this
"Let's build a 30-day plan with three specific targets we both agree on."
Instead of
"Everyone has off quarters — don't worry about it."
Try this
"I see a pattern here that wasn't present a year ago, and I want to understand what changed."
Instead of
"Your teammates have been picking up the slack."
Try this
"Some of the rework on recent campaigns was absorbed by the team. I don't think you're aware of how much."
Instead of
"Is everything okay at home?"
Try this
"What kind of work feels most engaging to you right now? And what feels like it's dragging?"
The Bigger Picture
A 2023 Gallup study found that only 26% of employees strongly agree that the feedback they receive helps them do better work. The most common reason? The feedback was too vague to act on. Managers who use specific examples with dates, metrics, and impact produce 3.6 times more improvement in employee performance than those who rely on general impressions. Jordan does not need to hear "do better." He needs to see the four red cells on your spreadsheet.
There is a second layer most managers miss: the Dunning-Kruger gap. Research from Cornell psychologists Dunning and Kruger found that people who are underperforming are often the least equipped to recognize it — not because of arrogance, but because the same skill gaps that cause the underperformance also impair their ability to evaluate their own work. Jordan genuinely believes he had a good quarter. That is not deception. It is a cognitive blind spot that only external data can correct.
The 30-day improvement plan is not a formality. A Society for Human Resource Management analysis found that employees who co-create their own improvement milestones are 2.5 times more likely to meet them compared to those who receive manager-imposed targets. Ownership changes the psychology from "I'm being punished" to "I'm solving a problem." The difference between those two frames is the difference between attrition and growth.
Practice This Conversation
8 minutes · AI voice roleplay with Jordan Kessler
Reading about this is step one. Practicing it changes everything. Sonitura lets you rehearse this exact conversation with Jordan Kessler, a realistic AI marketing coordinator, 2 years at the company who reacts to your words in real time. It takes 8 minutes. The next time Jordan sits down smiling, you'll know exactly how to close the gap between what he sees and what the data shows.
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